An Irish Ballad
by pemphetru
Summary: About a maid I'll sing a song, sing rickittytickittytin... Farfie has a birthday! Schwarz and Weiss celebrate together. A song is written. One Shot. OOC. OC,Parody,ShonenAi. M for lyrics.


I was listening to a song on my cd, and got inspired. I made Crawford a closet-prankster and Aya the older sister of Ran. Ran is the shortest now, even if Ken is taller by 2 or 3 inches. I also made Ran and Aya spend most of their childhood in Austria, and gave them a bit of an Austrian accent. for that note, whenever Ran or Aya or Hans Günter are talking, I write how they pronounce, cos I think it's funny!!! And I don't have to worry about grammatical mistakes!!! There is a lot of OOC, but I need that for this story. And the lyrics for the Irish ballad aren't mine. Nor Ran's, even if I made him the author of them. They belong to the dude above. nn

And I have no idea when Farfie's birthday is, so I put it somewhere near Christmas. I like the contrast!!!

Enjoy.

**An Irish Ballad**

It's been seven years since Ran Fujimiya, six since he switched to Weiß;, two since Weiß; became friends with Schwarz, two since his sister woke up and conked him rather hard for acting like a drama queen and sulking in the corner for something he did to save her life, and six months since Omi took over Kritiker and gave Weiß; a good needed paid holiday with Schwarz in Salzburg. It's been exactly seven years since he joined them, and exactly that day, all of our Bishies discovered, that our beloved Irishman had his birthday.

So they all decided that while they're having their holiday on Salzburg, they could celebrate his birthday there as well, his loving Mozartkugel being a plus point. But to actually plan the party for him was difficult; his one eye was so sharp it compensated his lack of use of the other one; not like it was disabled: he just liked the eye-patch. The other Halloween Farfarello had the time of his life scaring the hell out of Aya, switching his eye-patch from one eye to the other every time she turned around. That didn't mean he didn't get an earful from Ran every time he did that. So they decided that, on the way to Europe they could stop by England for a week, dump him at the London Dungeon while they took care of the preparations.

It worked; they had a hard time dragging him out of there, promising him he could go back the day after as soon as the tourist attraction opened. And Farfe had to promise NOT to propose to the lady selling tickets, as attracted they were to each other. Not that she wouldn't like what his job used to be; thinking of it, she could be just as turned on as the Irishman if she was told.

The next five days went smoothly, the cottage was booked for two months, there was a piano, several rooms, a nice chimney, a cosy atmosphere. It helped that Ran was good friends with the owner's son (not that anyone knows they yodeled together as children; that's a secret!!!), they got a discount. Everyone had their presents ready, they knew what they wanted to give their maniacal friend, and dragged off their pouting mass-murderer into their private plane by the feet. Who knew that a pouting Farfarello, who spent his time either cursing God, or cursing housework, or cursing rat-traps, could be so cute???

---

The plane ride went joyfully for all of them: Yohji was terribly trying to get seduce Aya without Ran killing him with freaky glares; Ran had a hard time trying NOT to kill him (with glares or otherwise), for he couldn't help but want his sister's happiness; Aya was having the time of her life, watching her boyfriend being scared shitless by her younger brother; Omi was enjoying his current status of being the tallest, finally having hit puberty and annoying Ran out of it (who found a good distraction in the other blond); Nagi was teaching Ken how to play chess (again); Ken was about to jump out pf the flying vehicle without 'chute (again); Crawford was obviously trying not to choke of laughter from some wacky vision he refused to share; Schuldig tried again and again to figure out what. Farf was entertaining himself with the visio of causing various avalanches.

---

They all arrived at the cottage in Salzburg safely and soundly; Yohji wasn't dead, Aya survived her laugh-attacks, Crawford too, Nagi as well, Ken didn't jump, Omi dodged by a hair's length his dead per katana-airway, Ran murdered some pillows and traumatized others, and Schuldig made up for his lost information with the possibility of various avalanches and their causes with Farf. While they all made them selves comfortable, Ran went to look for his friend to thank him properly; Schuldig tagged along, desperate for some German conversation, and Farf for the view. He didn't know that they needed him gone for the deco and stuff.

„Und, wo sind wir jetzt? Ist das wirklich Salzburg oder hast du uns im kalten Sahara mitgeschleppt?"(1)

„Ja, du Depp, des is' Soalzbuag. Nua net in der Innenstadt." (2)

„Echt jetzt? Ich kann die Berge sehen, aber wo ist der Salz?" (3)

Ran wanted to break his face with his fist, but that pleasure was robbed by another person, who stood behind the German.

"Sog des no' a moal und du frisst Sand!" (4)

Ran could have kissed that person for two reasons: one, he knew this person well, so well in fact that he knew this person was able to crack marble in half with his fist; tow, this person wasn't only a long acquaintance of his. He was much, much more…

"Hansi, oates Haus! Wie geht's? I' dachte, du wärst in Belgien!" (5)

„War ich auch. War tot langweilig." (6)

„Wie i' seh hoaste imma noch deine eiserne Faust, Hans Günter!!!." (7)

They were chatting away, happily bumbling about memories together, and even having a serious discussion about the scenery with Farfarello, who didn't seem like he wanted to commence any avalanches anymore. Progress was made. Not once had he thought about bringing them to the slaughterhouse dressed as sheep. Not once.

Three hours had passed when Schuldig begged to be returned to the cottage. It was no wonder; the Austrian refused to exchange even one non-insulted word with him, and Farf schlepped him all over the little town in every store possible. At least the shop-keepers were polite, even if they were paid for it; it felt better than being called 'Depp' and 'Arschloch' and 'kiffender Zahnstocher' and 'verfickter Hurensohn' and 'hüpfender geiler Bock' and 'scheiss pfaufickender Eunuch' and much, much more (8). Yes, Hans Günter was very, _very_ creative. And very much invited to the birthday party, much to schuldig's dismay.

---

Farfarello was so… happy when he came in the cottage and every one screamed 'Surprise!!!'. He was really… happy. It was actually understandable. Because all the deco was morbid, like on a gloomy Hollow's Eve, but hey, anything for our dear Farfie, even if it was near Christmas time!!!! Our favourite maniac bounced into the cottage, looking and sniffing up at all the lovely morbid stiff that hang from the walls and ceiling, and squealed at the sight of the gifts on the table. (0), and one of them was so huge one could fit a body- I mean a person in it.

And he set himself upon the task of opening them, not sparing any time with reaping the papers. From Crawford he got an 'All-Maniacs-jokes-book', with graphic pictures and all. From Ken and Nagi, he got a loooooooooooong cute scarf, all black and white, that had his full name written in Gaelic, in Japanese and in gothic letters written on it. He didn't seem to notice that it was supposed to be some kind of deformation of a sweater. Omi got him a membership card at the biggest weapons' club in the world, that only involved the 'classics', like knives and swords and arrows and poisons; the best part was, it was a lifetime card. And finally, the big present came; Yohji and Schuldig had packed it, and it wasn't even necessary for anyone to look at the cars. The horrendous orange and bright preen wrapping paper was enough to identify the colour-massacring gift-givers. Farfarello was kinda nervous, never geing given such a gigantic gift, but the excitement won over and he opened the gift. Out went…

Lyla, the lovely girl form the London Dungeon. Ran was right; she absolutely loved everything about our maniac, even his previous job. It was so sick, but looking at the two cuddle was so cute. Even if the… straightjacket was a bit too much. Thank Go- it was good to see that she wore normal clothes underneath (regardless of the obvious... blackness of all of it.)

Aya and Ran called upon all of them, so they could gather 'round the piano. They were, after all, the only owns who hadn't given Farfie his present.

First Aya handed him a finely hand-carved cross bow, and a large roll of posters of Takatori Reiji to practice his aiming upon. She dragged her shy little brother to come out and sit at the piano.

„Jetz moach schon. Du hast ihn 'nen Lied g'schrieben, und muss es nun auch singen. Es ist sein G'burtstogsg'schenk, von dir, und wenn du es net tust konnsteu ihm liebend gern woas ond'res geb'n. Wie wär's mit deiner Würde? Ich hob' immer noch Fotos von dir und deinen Entenkostüm aus der Siebten. Hm?" (9)

Ran stiffened and walked all the way to the piano, getting ready to play. He pretended to replay the song in his head, while he was arguing with Schuldig.

„Na, na, was hör' ich denn da? Unser Eiszapfen, im Entenkostüm ? Das muss ich seh'n!!" (10)

„Woag es jo net, sonst reiß' i' dir die Eier ab!" (11)

„Ach, und du glaubst das hält mich zurück? Ich bin immer noch einen Telepath, schon vergessen? Ich kann ja deine Schwester dazu bringen, mir die Fotos zu zeigen, wenn ich sie zum Tee einlade und ihr die peinlichen Zeiten von Weiß erzähle." (12)

„Argh… okay, i' geb' 'n nettes Wort für dich bei Hans. Wenn er di' mog, und Gott hilf mir i' ken' seinen schlechten G'schmock, dann hoaste einen Freund, der net nur Deutsch spricht, sondern auch einen Empath ist. Versteck's net! Du mogst ihm, sonst würde es dir kaum was ausmoachen, dass er di' ignoriert." (13)

„Ohooo, das hört sich nett an. Deal." (14)

---

After all this unseen commotion, Ran started a slow, grave tune on the piano, in the mesures of an Irish ballad.

"Happy birthday, Farf, and I hope you like it." He said and started.

_"About a maid I'll sing a song,  
Sing rickitty-tickitty-tin,  
About a maid I'll sing a song  
Who didn't have her family long,  
Not only did she do them wrong,  
She did every one of them in, them in,   
She did every one of them in._

One morning in a fit of peek,  
Sing rickitty-tickitty-tin,  
She drowned her father in the creak,  
The water tasted bad for a week,  
And we had to make due with gin, with gin,  
And we had to make due with gin.

Her mother she could never stand,  
Sing rickitty-tickitty-tin,  
Her mother she could never stand,  
And so a cyanide soup she planned,  
Her mother died with a spoon in her hand,  
And her face in a hideous grin, a grin,  
And he r face in a hideous grin.

She set her sister's hair on fire,  
Sing rickitty-tickitty-tin,  
She set her sister's hair on fire  
And as the smoke and flame rose higher,  
She danced around the funeral pyre,  
Playing a violin, 'olin,  
Playing a violin.

She we lted her brother down with stones,  
Rickitty-tickitty-tin  
She welted her brother down with stones  
And sent him off to Davy Jones,  
All they ever found were some bones,  
And occasional pieces of skin, of skin,  
Occasional pieces of skin.

One day when she had nothing to do,  
Rickitty-tickitty-tin  
One day when she had nothing to do  
She cut her baby brother in two  
And served him up as an Irish stew,  
And invited the neighbors in, 'bors in,  
And invited the neighbors in.

And when at last the police came by,  
Rickitty-tickitty-tin  
And when at last the police came by,  
Her little pranks she did not deny,  
To do so she would have had to lie,  
And lying she knew was a sin, a sin,  
Lying she knew was a sin.

This tragic tale I won't prolong,  
Rickitty-tickitty-tin  
This tragic tale I won't prolong,  
And if you did not enjoy my song,  
You've yourselves to blame if it's too long,  
You should never have let me begin, being,  
You should never have let me begin."

---

Ran ended the song with a higher note, and received an applause form Aya and the two es-chibis, Crawford just guffawed his guts out, having already tasted the Schnaps, Yohji was just hinking how morbid that can be, but laughed anyway for the hell of it.

'Why the hell did he say we should never have let him in the end? What type of sense of humour is that??!' Yohji thought frantically. He quickly forgot his confusion when Aya offered him sweet liquor with a sweet smile. Life was good.

Farf loved the song so much he kept screaming 'Encore! Encore!' with Lyla by his side; at that fifth time he suggested he could ask Omi to burn it on a cd. Omi quickly agreed, wanting to save his hide and actually live through the Christmas in Vienna Aya always boasted about. Then Ran collapsed and let Aya play with his hair. Braid them. Was too tired singing to do anything against it anyway. Would kill Kudou in the morn when he was pumped in with caffeine. And beg Hand not to go through any details. And threaten Schuldig by revieling his given name to Farf if he dared to _show_ him anything.

All in all, it was a nice birthday for Farf, and they all enjoyed their stay in the sock-shaped country in the middle of the European peninsula.

The E—

Oh, and what happened to Schuldig? Well, he spent the night trying to impress Hans, got laughed at, caught a string of scary and murderous thoughts flying his way from Ran, and hooked with the Austrian young man a week before they had to leave. Ran didn't tell him that Hans Günter Meier was a hard nut to crack. Oh how he suffered, but looking at Hans, he thought it was worth it.

_Okay, Schuldig, I gave you a happy end. Can I finish now? Yes? Good. mumbles Schiach und deppert. spots shculdig AHHH! Sorry, sorry didn't mean it!!!hides_

NOW its DA ENDE!!!

---

1) "And, now where are we? Is this really Salzburg or did you schlep us to the cold Sahara?"  
2) "Yes you moron, this is Salzburg. Just not the city."  
3) "Really? I can see the mountains, but where's the salt?" _ crappy joke;__ salz means salt._  
4) "Say that again and you're eating dust!"  
5) "Arthy, old friend, I thought you were in Belgium!"  
6) "I was. Was boring."  
7) "I see you still have your iron fist, Hans Günter."  
8) In order: moron, asshole, smoking (like crack) toothpick, fucked up son of a hoe (kinda), hopping horny goat, fucking peacock-fucking eunuch.   
9) Come on. You wrote a song, and now you have to sing it. It's his birthday present, from you, and if you can't then you can gladly give him domething else. How about your dignity? I still have some photos of you and your duck costume from seventh grade. Hm?  
10) Well, well, what did I hear? Our Ice cube, in a duck costume? I have to see that!  
11) Don't you dare. Or I'll rip you balls off!!  
12) Oh, and you think that will hold me back? I still am a telepath, forgot? I can always convince your sister to show me those photos if I invite her for tea and discuss Weiss' most embarrassing moments.  
13) Argh… okay, I put in a good word for you by Hans. If he likes you, and God help me I know his horrid taste, you'll have a boyfriend who isn't' only German-speaking, but also and empath. Don't hide it! You like him, otherwise his ignoring you wouldn't piss you off.  
14) Ohooo, that sounds nice. Deal.

---

Oh, and schiach and deppert are two purely Austrian expressions, meaning ugly and stupid.


End file.
